Message to the broken-hearted

For empaths, narcissists and everyone in between… what may have felt like a year full of storms and pain, 2020 has also been a year full of opportunity to strengthen our warrior spirits. 

But, let me not tell you the glass is half-full without acknowledging the vast emptiness of the other half of the glass:

I have lost a friend to a COVID death, tried to warrior on for a friend fighting an aggressive brain cancer and COVID at the same time, comforted a friend who lost her grown son to a fight against COVID and the following misrepresentation in the media of it. I have lost income and holidays with loved ones afraid to travel. I have learned some interesting lessons through virtual work and school that weren’t catastrophic and also weren’t exactly pleasant. I have grieved for first responders who have died from COVID while serving the public and I have served people who have lost jobs while being in fear for their spouses whose only job is to serve our communities who rage against them to the point of literally murdering them. 

This year, the likelihood is high that we have all lost loved ones.

We have likely all lost the feeling we might be able to predict, plan or control parts of life. Most of us have lost respect for our systems and our world leaders. Chances are, many of us have lost the feeling of security that comes from health we often took for granted. 

It is exhausting all the way around, is it not?

God DOES bring light through every broken piece of us. Look up the art of Kintsugi. It is the physical manifestation of how God works in us. Where you are broken, He will place gold, if you let Him.

What does your Kintsugi gold look like?

Years of unpredictable pain, betrayal, and heartbreak have lined my brokenness with the gold of understanding that submission is the opposite of weakness. I have gained an opportunity to risk submitting to life and I have found the gold of strength that is far stronger than I would have ever imagined. Raging against life didn’t help me; it hindered me. 

Standing strong, peacefully, and living out what I believe to be right while understanding that others believe differently for reasons that are no less important to them, has given me the gold of grace

I have gained the gold of peace in knowing and appreciating that other people have their own battles to fight and they don’t need my help or input, unless they ask. I have gained the gold of knowledge that my peace has nothing to do with this world, rather it is in spite of it. 

Where we get our peace is an intimate journey and requires our daily attention in a world full of uncertainty.

The truth is, uncertainty has always been a possibility. The illusion that we had certainty was often based on our ability to plan and have things go according to plan. It was comforting. 

I can tell you this: Military life started to prepare me for the unexpected and unplanned nature of what was to become my life. Chris’s death took me to the next level of dealing with the unpredictable and unplanned elements of life. The proceeding years full of evil, hate, beauty and love in a tornado around my kids and me taught me even more. 

So, please know:

I understand how hard it can be to make the adjustment from fear to faith.

And, I can assure you, when you invite God in, you WILL be okay. You WILL learn. You WILL adjust. You WILL see and experience more joy again. Your cracks will be lined with the gold of increased faith and peace

You want the short cut? Ask God into your heart and ask Him to change it. Ask Him to be gentle if you want to. 

TRUST that God will treat you like the Kintsugi art you are…. 

Broken and much more beautiful, valuable and interesting because of it.

Warrior on friends. Rest when you need to. Get quiet, get prayerful. In spite of what is happening around us, put on the armor of God, rest in HIM and then go live, really LIVE!



Muchas gracias. ?Como puedo iniciar sesion?

Timothy Payne

I don’t have the money right now to purchase a warrior tag but hopefully I can get one down the road. Every time I think of Chris’s death I shed tears. In my eyes he will always be a hero of mine.

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